effects of the holidays

Tonight, my parents are hosting their anual christmas(holiday party to be politcally correct; although it doesn't seem to bother the jewish couple that is stuffing their faces at my house).  The diversity of the array of couples shuffling through various rooms of our home is odd.  Many of them don't like eachother, don't know eachother, or don't care to know eachother.  Well, actually, that is only for about ten and a half months out of the year.  After Thanksgiving, attitudes seem to transform.  Tonight is the perfect display of this.  The moment they walk over the threshhold, there are choruses of "Merry Christmas!", "How nice to see you!", and "I'm so glad you're here".  The funny thing is, these words are coming from the most unlikely sources.  I've got a hand in this, too.  Since I've got to be the model daughter to our friends and neighbors (according to my dad-- not in those words though), I have the priviledge of taking our guest's coats.  This means, of course, that I am one of the first people that they greet at the door. yay.  Almost every person that has come in the door has immediately outstretched their arms for a hug.  Even the people I don't know.  I'm not at all surprised by this behavior anymore; it has happened every year.  However, it still makes me think.  What is it about the holiday season that changes people?  Is it the snow?  The christmas/holiday lights? The biblical thoughts of what christmas is really about? Or mabye the feeling of that obligation to be joyful because of those Jesus stories?  It also could be that people are already ready to get presents.  They want those gifts, and most people know they will get them.  The thought might cross people's minds that if they are nice to other people, they might get more in return.  I'm positive that is a reason for most people.  Maybe they don't even realize that is the reason; they might cover it up with one of those other reasons, but that thought is always there.  It's human nature to want and be greedy.  I wonder what the reason is for every person that strides through that door, ready to drink and be merry (holiday cliche, i know, forgive me).  I'm sure every person has a different mix of those reasons balled up in the back of their mind.  I know I do too, and I'm searching to find out what my reasons are.  But for now, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, or just Happy holidays.   (hey, at least it's not an emoticon...although, it's probably just as bad.  or worse, considering how long it too me to find the perfect one.)

Obsessive Compulsive?

You know those days when you can't focus on anything because you have so much to do?  And you just want to finish it all just so you can go to sleep.  That has been been me lately...only about ten times worse.  Needless to say, the last few weeks have been quite stressful.  I don't really know why everything seems to happen at once, but it does.  All of a sudden, I've got loads of homework, that I didn't have before, troubles with many friends, and on top of all that, I have felt sick beyond relief.  As depressing as this sounds, I had to say it.  And the only reason I had to was to explain the causes of...well, what I think are the causes of my increasing OCDness.  Every day, the first thing I do when I get home is make a list of what I have to do that night.  And, of course, it's not just your average list of homework mixed with some sparce chores around the house.  No.  This list consists of everything from eating dinner to taking out my contact.  I feel that if I don't put EVERYTHING on the list I'm going to forget to do it.  Also, for some reason, my new "obsession" is that I need to have every. single. thing. on my desk at the same angle.  My paper is perfectly parallel to my calculator, and my pencil and eraser are perfectly aligned with that.  I noticed this the other day during Chemistry, but I didn't really think anything of it.  The next day I found myself compulsively rotating items to match up at the perfect angle.  Yeah, it made me feel slightly crazy.  My need to be places on time, or even way early, has gotten pretty bad too.  I leave, on average, ten minutes before I need to leave.  There are a few other things like this that I have noticed recently, and I'm sure none of these things were true before my stress level reached this level.  I kind of want to scream.  Hmm..maybe that would help.  Oh dear, I need winter break.

Revision of "On Compassion"

Everyone is so happy. Families walking together;  They've all got bags and bags filled with toys and clothes... and food.  I'd kill to just have one loaf of bread and a warm cup of coffee.  Actually, I wanna just have someone to talk to.  Just a simple conversation.  To feel like someone cares about me.  I wonder if someone here would talk to me; Maybe that woman waiting at the stoplight with the baby.  She looks nice enough.  Well, at least someone that wouldn't run away from me.  At least she's not avoiding eye contact with me like everyone else.  I walk closer to her and realize she seems more tense.  Like she has to protect her baby from me.  I want to tell her I don't want to hurt them.  All I want is a friend.  Or someone to say hi to.  The light is going to change soon, and I don't wanna lose my chance, so my steps quicken.  She glances at me, tightens her grip on her child's stroller, and looks me up and down-- at my torn shirt, and pants too big.  It's only because I can't possibly get better clothes.  Any money I get goes towards food-- otherwise I'll starve.  Now, the woman's movement catches my eye.  She's reaching into her purse.  A few moments later, she pulls out a dollar, and holds it out at arms length.  There's fear in her eye.  But somehow this fear is half masked with compassion.  I stare at her for a while, not knowing what to do.  I want to say something; That I don't need the money.  But, I do.  Otherwise, I won't eat today.  I stretch out my arm and grasp the dollar, but I don't pull it back.  I can feel my lips curling into a slight smile, and see some of the fear disappear from her expression.  Now, I take it and lower my head.  My only choice, now, is to walk away.  Another person's charity case.  Always a charity case, never a friend.