Open Letter

Dear clothing store employee,
I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you do.  One thing that I really enjoy is the way you don't allow me to breathe from the moment I walk across the doors of your store.  Your initial bombardment really makes me think if it's worth even looking at the clothes you sell.  Those announcements you give me of every clearance and BOGO is really necessary, considering it's not like it's posted in giant block letters everywhere in the store.  It makes me feel as if I cannot read myself, which, I must tell you, is very encouraging-- it makes me want to turn around and leave right then.  I also really think it's great that some of you attempt to take the clothes I am carrying around and "start a dressing room for me".  It really helps-- I find it very hard to hold two shirts.  The way you sneakily place about five more items in the dressing room, saying they go perfectly with the shirt I chose, is very nice.  It points out the fact that I had seen those in your store already and did not pick them up because I did not like them.  Oh, my favorite is when I try on a hideous pair shirt, that makes me look like a box, and you dart towards the dressing room, when I'm showing my friend, and tell me how great it looks on me.  That doesn't make you seem fake at all.  I love the fact that you think I am too dumb to realize that, too.  It makes me like the store even more.  When I finally decide on a piece of clothing, costing $19.50, and I run up to the counter, in attempt to avoid any unwanted dialogue with you.  Then, I am asked if I would like to buy a pair of socks to bump up my cost, so that I get a special deal.  You ask as if I hadn't already seen the huge displays in your store, again assuming I am not able to read-- giving me that one last chance to walk out without buying anything, having wasted my time.  You finally finish my purchase, after having to ask the manager at least twice about pressing a certain button on the register, and flash me that plastered smile and tell me to have a great day.  I, of course, return the smile and run out of your store-- but not without three of your coworkers telling me to have an awesome day and to come back.  All of this is incredibly necessary, so thank you.  Thank you very much.
Sincerely,
Jessica
P.S. I hope it doesn't shock you too much that I could write this.